Jerry
Hey, /b/. Remember me? The guy from yesterday with the loli /b/tard cousin? Yeah. I have a story for you. I had to improvise a lot on the dialogue, (You wouldn't have remembered most of it either.) and I threw in a bit of dramatizations for /b/'s benefit, but it's mostly true. The day went off as planned. My mom and aunt were headed to the stores, with me and the loli (name withheld) left alone. I wasn't expecting much to change, just that I'd have someone that actually understands it when I use memes in speech. But something was wrong. She was acting shy and nervous, not bouncy and playful like usual. I instantly thought "OH FUCK SHE READ THE THREAD," but I dismissed it on the counts that her mom is strict and she wouldn't risk jacking her mom's laptop to browse /b/. Either way, I was stuck with her for a few hours and I figured I'd get to the bottom of it eventually. "So, what do you wanna do?" I asked, as usual. "Did you eat? Any movies you'd like?" "Yeah, I ate. And I already watched all the good movies," she replied. "Any games, then?" "...Not really." "Boy, you're lots of fun today. What's wrong?" "...Nothing." "C'mon, I know you, something's wrong." "...I read the thread." Oh fuck. I'd like to remind you that I described her as quite fappable, with the cutest ass ever in this thread. "...Which thread?" I asked, hoping that, by some stroke of luck, it was a different thread. She replied, "...The one about me." OH FUCKING FUCK. FUCK YOU /B/ AND YOUR FUCKING COPYPASTA ARRGGH HOW THE FUCK DID SHE READ THAT FUCK MY LIFE'S OVER FUCK FUCK She followed up, "...Do you really think my butt's cute?" Oh god. What the fuck was I supposed to do? I just inadvertantly revealed that I was a pedo. Oh god, she's going to tell her mom, and she's going to tell my mom, and she's going to tell the rest of the family. I tried to get out of it. "Oh, that? Nah, that was just me being a /b/tard," I said. I suck at lying, so it must have been blatantly obvious to her. "...So, you--" she began to say, as I suddenly decided that I was screwed either way and decided to be truthful. "Wait. Disregard that, I suck cocks. I do." (That's a direct quote, there. I was surprised I said that.) "...You do?" "Yeah. Cutest ever. Don't tell anyone, please. I don't think you know, but I could get in SERIOUS trouble just for admitting that." "I know, I know..." And now we were just kind of awkwardly looking at the floor. I was expecting her to hit me or yell at me or something any minute. "...Want to play Monkey Ball?" she asked. "Uh, sure," I answered. What the hell? She just blows it off like that? Oh my god, did I just manage to get out of this? Wait. Is she planning something? Is she trying to get me to think that she just disregarded it so I'll be shocked later when she tells? DAMNIT, WHAT IS GOING ON? Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had this exact situation playing out in doujin form, ending in sex. (As all good doujins do.) She took off toward the room with the Gamecube, and I took note of the fact that she wasn't gloomily walking around anymore. I think I even saw her smile. Was she HAPPY about this? Did she take it as a compliment? ...Maybe I will get to stick it in her pooper. This is so fucking confusing. I hate women. I followed her into the room. She already had the top open on the GC and was searching around for the SMB2 case when I got in there. I pointed her to it and dug out the second controller as she put the game on. Maybe this would turn out fine after all. Maybe she just wanted to beat my ass at monkey dogfight again to get off the subject. Either way, she was ready to play, and I wasn't about to give her a reason to tell someone about what I said. We started out playing the party games and eventually moved on to competing for the best times on the stages. We didn't say much to eachother, aside from the usual "BOOM!"-type in-game talk. ...I think I said, "SURPRISE, COCKFAGS!" accidentally once. She got bored with it after awhile and turned and looked at me. Oh hell, I thought, here comes more awkwardness. As seemed to be the trend for this day, she did the opposite of what I was thinking. "Any other good games? I can't believe I've been here all week without playing them," she said. "Well, the game shelf's over there, go see if there're any you like." "Sure," and she hopped over to the shelf I pointed her to. ...I guess she really did just disregard it. Then why was she acting so nervous before? She's not really that self-conscious, why would she even care if she wasn't mad? Gah. It was around this point that I realized that I've put more attention towards her than I've ever put towards any girl I've ever dated. I tried to get hard but the fakeness and copy pasta kept it firmly to the floor "How about Mario Sunshine?" she asked. "Sure. It's one-player, though." "We'll take turns." I loaded up a new game. "I don't know how Peach stands all that pink," she commented, watching the cutscene. "Pink's not that bad," I said, realizing that I liked pink more than the eleven-year-old girl next to me. She looked at me oddly. Finally, the cutscenes ended, so I handed her the controller and said, "You go first." We played a few levels, I died once being an idiot. Then, while I was playing, she looked at me. I was expecting her to say something, so I just kept playing. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. WHAT IS GOING ON WHY IS SHE KISSING ME WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DO IT AT A POINT WHERE I HAD TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE GAME FGSFDS Needless to say, I was pretty stunned. The loli doujin in the back of my mind was getting farther and farther in the front. "...Uh?" I asked. "I thought you'd like that," she replied, smiling. Since when do women kiss you because they think you'd like it? What the hell is going on? "...Uh. ...Okay," I replied. Not knowing what to do, I unpaused the game and started playing again. She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, since you don't get the point, I'll just say it: I like you. I've liked you since we met, but I never brought it up 'cause we're cousins, and that'd be weird. But when I found out you liked me, too..." The only two things that were on my mind were the loli doujin in my head and how much I was going to flaunt this on /b/ later. "So, you get the point now?" she asked. "Uh, sorta," I replied. "Now, I know it'll be really weird if we do anything... but I guess kissing is okay." HEAVEN BELLS RINGING "Alright," I said, quickly becoming more comfortable with this. Then we kissed. It wasn't a movie-style, "slowly move your faces together" kiss, she just charged right in there. And it was fucking awesome. I believe the phrase going through my head was "LUSCIOUS LOVELY LITTLE LOLI LIPS." Of course, as it always does, my conscience jumped in to ruin the fun. All those damn morality lines ran through my head one by one. "THIS IS DIGUSTING, YOU PEDOPHILE," "THIS IS DISGUSTING, YOU INCESTUOUS FREAK," "THIS IS DISGUSTING, YOU INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE FREAK," the works. Her lips eventually won over and my conscience shut up. The kiss was getting more passionate. Then the phone rang. MOTHERFUCKER. I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE, FUCK OFF. I'M KISSING A LOLI. I was very hesitant to stop the kiss and answer the phone, but I eventually decided that whoever it is is probably calling for a reason and not picking up will just bring them home faster. Wouldn't that be a hit with the family. I said "...gdneamnfdjkl, sorry," or something, and walked over to the phone. "Hello?" I said, picking it up. It was my mom. She sounded a bit frightened. She said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "FRESH", and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it; yo home, to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8, and I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo holmes, smell ya later!"; looked at my kingdom--I was finally there--to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air. Sorry, I couldn't resist. Anyway, she said that her sister wanted to speak to her daughter. I called the daughter in question over and handed her the phone, then went back over to the couch that we were almost making out on. Sigh. She was talking about something I wasn't paying attention to with her mom while I was thinking of a way to avoid awkwardness when the call was over. (And, if I'm lucky, get back into the kissing.) "Uh..." she started, after she got off the phone. "That was my mom. She said the store's closed," she said. "Did it have AIDS?" I asked. She chuckled and said, "No, it's not open on weekends. ...So, they're coming back." "...Okay," I said, hesitantly. "So, back to Mario Sunshine, I guess," I added, unpausing the game. I later confirmed that she wasn't going to tell anyone what happened. And nothing of interest really happened after that. I did a little "Pool's closed," skit at the pool later, which got a few laughs from her and odd looks from everyone else, but she was more interested in the friends she'd just made than me. She and her mom left on a plane shortly after we were done swimming, and she told me that she'd beg her mom to come back. After she left, I realized that I should've gotten her MSN or something. Sigh. And now, a word of thanks to /b/: You guys rule. I may not have gotten loli lovin', but I did get to kiss her, and that will be remembered/cherished/fapped to forever, and that's all thanks to you and your copypasta. Plus, now we have something in common. God, it's nice to finally be able to say all those memes that pop up in my head while I'm talking. It would help if she wasn't three states away. Yes, she did use her mom's laptop to read the post. Baaad girl, browsing /b/ like that. Hope she cleared the history. And I typed this up earlier, so it technically is already copypasta.